Believing in Karma at Malfoy's Petshop
by Mirai2
Summary: The title says most, the story says the rest. Malfoy gets his 'comeuppance.' A teeny bit AU.


Author: Mirai  
Disclaimer: No animals were harmed in the making of this fic.  
Warnings: harm to animals, some Potter and Malfoy bashing… …again, no animals were harmed in the making of this fic…   
Author's Note: I should be working on my other fic, so, of course, I'm not. This is the results of a messed up dream that attacked me while I was sleeping. I hope you like it… if not, too bad!   
  
  
    In a rundown building on the outskirts of London, below a tavern and a vaguely disreputable dance studio, stood a door. A sign tacked to the door stated clearly:
  
  
Malfoy's Petshop.  
No returns: No refunds: No bull.  
  
    A warning from the city of London had been taped over the bottom of the sign. It read:
  
  
_Mr Malfoy,  
  
    Your store has been deemed a public health threat. You have been cited on several reports of animal endangerment. Your store is not only a threat to the people, as you frequently allow your animals to roam the street, but also a danger to yourself, as the voltage supplied in your store is greater than the voltage of the appliances you use. This could result in…
_  
  
    And so it ran on down the door for several pages until it was interrupted by large, friendly black magic marker, stating clearly, "BUGGER OFF"!
  
    There was a bell attached to the front door so as to annoy customer and owner every time a person entered the shop. As for the inside, it was a perfect study of everything that was wrong with the city of London, or anything that could be wrong with anywhere. That is to say… the entire place was a miniature jungle. Plants sprouted from floor, wall, and ceiling. There were cages, but "cage" is inaccurate, because the noun describes the use, and these cages were being used as bookshelves, plant holders, and everything but cages.
  
    At the center of the insanity, looking quite comfortable in his place, sat one Draco Malfoy. At this particular moment in time, he was attired in a ordinary, well-cut suit, simply reading a book on horticulture, but an onlooker could tell from his posture that he would be quite comfortable among all sorts of chaos. 
  
  
  
  
    The bell on the door jingled, and Malfoy peered over the top of his book. And glared.
  
    "Why the hell are you here, Potter?"
  
    "Hmm. That's not very polite."
  
    "Yeah, I went to the customer service meeting. Just answer the question."
  
    "Shopping."
  
    "Right." Malfoy put down his book. Harry was looking quite the part of a successful businessman, from his Armani suit to his shiny black shoes.
  
    "I think I should be asking you what you're doing here."
  
    "You mean, what's a guy like me doing in a place like this?" Malfoy pursed his lips. "Father dearest was doing very well in a very popular company called 'Enron.'"
  
    "Ah." Harry was watching a dog and two cats fight it out. "So tell me, exactly how much do you know about pets?"
  
    "I know I had a gold fish once. It died."
  
    "I see… What's with all the plants?"
  
    "Used to be a gardening center. Came with the place. What is this, the London Inquisition? Look, if you're here about that parrot, the explosion was perfectly natural."
  
    "No, I'm not here about… what about the parrot??"
  
    Malfoy looked at Harry blankly. "What parrot?"
  
    "Very convincing."
  
    Malfoy shrugged and put on a pair of rubber gloves. Harry wondered if this was to handle something particularly vicious, but Malfoy only reached over to turn on the radio. Harry's ears were blasted with death metal.
  
    **"I CAN'T RAAAAA RAAAA YOU RAAAAAA…"**
  
    Malfoy said something to Harry, but Harry couldn't quite make it out.
  
    "WHAT?" He shouted.
  
    Malfoy repeated what he had said before.
  
    **"AND THE RAAAAA COMES IN THE RAAAAAAWR…"**
  
    "I'm betting on the Mets?" Harry muttered to himself. 
  
    Against common sense, Harry reached over to the radio and turned it off. He jumped back, receiving a particularly nasty shock. At the same moment, Malfoy leaned over the counter and yelled, "YOU WANTED TO BUY A PET?" in his ear.
  
    Harry staggered, and sagged against the counter, his senses having received a rather nasty shock, bad pun intended. He straightened up, and glared at Malfoy, who looked completely ignorant save for a certain defined crinkle about the eyes.
  
    "Did I mention," he gasped, "you haven't changed a bit?"
  
    "No," Malfoy said. "But thank you."
  
    Harry, not being one to back down from a challenge, nodded, his mental gears beginning to turn. "Yes. I want to buy a pet." He looked around the store, his eyes alighting on a fish tank, set between two giant ferns. "I was thinking about… fish."
  
    Malfoy snickered. "Fish. No one at home, Potter? Suppressing the fact that you drive away everyone you love and replacing them with something that can't leave you?"
  
    "Er… no… my girlfriend wanted a small pet that was easy to take care of."
  
    Malfoy shrugged. "I was close."
  
    "What are you, studying to be a psychologist?"
  
    "Psychiatrist."
  
    "Why…?"
  
    "I'm a people person."
  
    "Sure."
  
    "So about these fish…" Malfoy walked over to the tank and leaned against it. Harry followed him, and was almost bowled over by a large dog. It looked like an orange and white shag carpet. Its face was pushed in, and its tongue lolled from its mouth as it trotted over to Malfoy.
  
    "That is the ugliest dog I have ever seen…" Harry muttered.
  
    "Shake paw," Malfoy said, and the unsightly carpet-dog happily complied. Malfoy patted it on the head. "Good boy, Harry. Good dog."
  
    Harry glared. "And I'm supposed to need psychological evaluation?"
  
    The dog bounded off, and Malfoy looked at Harry blankly. He turned to the tank. "Hmm… I thought there were more of them." He squinted at the tag on the side of the fish tank. "Pir-ahn-hah," he enunciated. "What a dumb name. They're perfect for you, Potter."
  
    "Do you ever actually sell anything?"
  
    "There was that one time, and… nah. Not really."
  
    "Except for the parrot?"
  
    Malfoy examined the ceiling. "What parrot?"
  
    "Yeah…" Harry examined the ceiling, too. It quite looked like it could give at any second.
  
    Malfoy pulled out a feeble looking fish net, about the size of his hand. He leaned over the edge of the tank, and Harry leaned over next to him, peering into the rather murky water. Malfoy squinted. "That one looks good," he muttered, indicating a large 'pir-ahn-hah.' He reached the dinky net in to scoop it up… and right at the vital moment, Harry bumped his arm.
  
    "Great," Malfoy complained, indicating the sinking net. "You made me drop it."
  
    "You'll just have to catch them with your hands…"
  
    "No I won't."
  
    "Fifty bucks?"
  
    "Yes I will."
  
    Malfoy, also not one to back down from a challenge, stuck a hand in the water. "Hey," he said brightly, "they're coming towards me."
  
    "Must be your animal magnetism," Harry said sarcastically.
  
    "Yeah," Malfoy agreed, ignoring the sarcasm. A moment later, he yanked his hand out of the tank, yelping. "It bit me!"
  
    "I hear they do that… have you been feeding them?"
  
    Malfoy, holding his hand, turned to roll his eyes at Harry. "It's not like I think they live on air and sunlight."
  
    "So what do you feed them…?"
  
    Malfoy thought for a moment. "Mostly just air and sunlight. I still think there were more of them… Look, I'll catch your stupid piranha for you."
  
    Harry didn't protest.
  
    "Here fishy, fishy," Malfoy muttered. Almost obediently, the 'fishies' swarmed towards his hand. Malfoy whipped his hand out and slammed it against the floor repeatedly. Harry had a very difficult time keeping a straight face.
  
    "There." Malfoy stood up, breathing heavily, his face flushed, holding out a gooey piranha. "That'll be fifty dollars."
  
    Harry frowned. "I really wanted a live one…"
  
    "Look, it just moved…"
  
    "It's oozing…"
  
    "Ugh." Malfoy dropped the dead piranha back in the tank. The other piranhas surrounded it. Malfoy watched in fascination. "Huh. Maybe that's what happened to the other ones."
  
    "Gee, maybe…"
  
    Malfoy returned to his place behind the counter. "So… I can't get you one now, but I can promise one within four working days."
  
    "I just don't know if my girlfriend will like it."
  
    Malfoy snickered. "I'm sure it's a perfect symbol of your love."
  
    "Well, I just can't decide, so," Harry smiled pleasantly, "I'll be back tomorrow." He walked towards the door. A repetitive thumping sound made him pause, and he turned to look at Malfoy, who was thumping his head against the counter.
  
    "What are you doing?" Harry asked, mildly curious.
  
    "Believing in karma," Malfoy muttered.
  
    Harry left, and the bell on the door jingled. 
  
  
  
  



End file.
